The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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