no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
