dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
