That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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