She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
