hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
