i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
