At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
