What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
