the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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