Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
