My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
