Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You're like the curious george of whores
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
