I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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