Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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