If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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