You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize