And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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