Michael Bay diarrhea
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
