Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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