Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Im part way to drunk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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