4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize