i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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