Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
