Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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