Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
