Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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