Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
