hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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