At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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