I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is the high leading the old right now
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
