I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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