I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize