people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
