Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize