Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
