planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
