He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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