An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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