Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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