I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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