I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
