all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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