Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I understand Curling. That high.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
