who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
