I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
