Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
