I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
40s are totally the cure
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize