Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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