i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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