So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
