I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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