I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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