This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
