Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
