You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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