My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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