I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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