I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
