you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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