Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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