Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
