my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
love makes seman taste better
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
