how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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