dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
