We won't sleep together?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
