This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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