No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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